Kimberly at the Dentist

So... Today I had a dentist appointment. Here are the details:

Time: 1 pm

Day: Tuesday

Location: Downtown dental office

Purpose: Get cavities filled.. 5 to be exact. NO, I do not want to talk about that part.

Procedure: You'll find out.

1. I walk into the dental office. I swear to you Bret Michaels was sitting in the lobby. It was like one of those pictures, "What doesn't fit in this scene?" The lobby is like this serene, yoga-inspired place... and there was old Bret chilling.

2. I go to sit down after checking in. My phone goes crashing onto the wood floor- bret michaels and other man seem not to notice...

3. I get called back to my new-found dental home chair.

4. Assistant #1 comes in and asks what iPod I want to listen to. I chose the orange one w/ The Fray-esque music. Orange iPod is not working today. I was embarrassed to say I wanted the purple one with Hip-Hop.. so I chose the radio.

5. Assistant #1 puts numbing-gel q-tips in my mouth. Drooling immediately commences. Assistant #1 walks away.

6. Shot-lady comes in, and things go as follows:

Shot Lady (SL hereafter): "It looks like you are having 5 fillings. Two on the upper left, two on the lower left, and one on the lower right."

Me: (wiping drool as if I know where the cavities are...) Umm, yeah, I think so.

SL: Ok, did you eat lunch today?

Me: (why does that matter? I am getting 5 #($U#)$ fillings!) Yep!

SL: Ok, good, that usually lessens the chance of reactions to the shots.

Me: (HOLD UP? Reaction? What the devil is this lady talking about? Reaction? TO WHAT?) Oh, OK, great!

SL: Ok, I am going to start here, and you will feel a little pinch...

Me: (Felt the first pinch, the 2nd one, the 3rd one, etc. and all the sudden, my legs are sweating. I am wearing a pencil skirt and I have bare legs. Why are they sweating? Oh my gosh. I am going to die. I am having this reaction. No, no I am not. No I am not. I am being a anxious freak. I am not having any sort of reaction. *Pinch* Why do I feel like my heart is racing? Am I even breathing?)

SL: Ok, so we are almost *Pinch* done. Just this one, last, *Pinch*, shot.

Me: (What is going on? I think I am getting ready to pass out.)

SL: So, how are you feeling? Everything alright?

Me: Ehhh, Umm. ( I lift my hand up, it is shaking- I hardly even notice.. because EVERYTHING is shaking.)

SL: Oh, ok, are you feeling faint? Dizzy? Shaky?

Me: Faint. Shaky.

SL: OK, well I am going to lean you back some more. As long as your head is below your heart, you won't pass out!

Me: Heh, heh, oh ok, great.

SL: Welp, I am going to go find someone to sit with you- you will feel fine soon! (EXITS STAGE LEFT!)

Me: (YOU ARE LEAVING ME HERE TO DIE? Call the paramedics. MOM! DAD!?!?)

Assitant #2: Ok, how are you feeling now?

Me: Ehhh.

These types of questions persisted for 30 or so minutes while my heart rate came back to normal and the shaking stopped. The dentist comes in and starts the dirty work. Her and Assistant #2 talk about Jay-Z, Eminem, and who killed Biggie. And no, that is not a joke. She is my dentist from heaven. Then she hits an un-numb part of my tooth. I jerk.

Dentist: Oh, wow. We will need to give you a little more of that shot.

Me: (Eyes widen in fear)

Dentist: I will give you the one without the epinephrine so you won't have a reaction.

Me: (EPINEPHRINE? You shot me up with adrenaline? Why not just give me 7 red bulls and call it a day?!) Ok, tanks. ** Remember, most of my mouth is numb.

The rest of the procedure goes off with out a hitch. I get back to my desk after 2 hours of the 1.5 hour dental appointment. Take a sip of water like a pro. Get a little arrogant. Take another sip of water. Thought my lip was closed- it wasn't. Squirt my entire desk with water. Laughed... hard, despite my numb face and escaping saliva. Hotness.